I'm Out Of Coffee

Half and half, Half and half,
Half and half onward,
None in my empty French press
I'm out of coffee.
"Ruta Maya forever!
"I'll even drink Folgers!" I said:
No flat white, no Cafe' Zorro
I'm out of coffee.

"Expresso, to me!"
Was there a man dismay'd? (Yes.)
Not tho' the writer knew
Himself had blunder'd:
Mine not to make reply,
Mine not to reason why,
Mine but to weep and cry:
No Cafe Touba for me this day,
I'm out of coffee.

Coffee to the right of me,
Coffee to the left of me,
Coffee in front of me
Steam'd and filter'd;
Boil'd bean and grind,
Boldly I drank and fine,
Into the crack of Morn,
Into the mouth of Hell
I'm out of coffee.

Search'd all my cupboards bare,
Search'd but found not a hair,
Save cursed decaf once left there,
Boiling water, while
All the world wonder'd:
City Cafe or Starbucks.
I have to get dressed and that sucks;
Mocha, cappucino, cafe au lait
Without coffee all is astray
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they brewed more, but I'm...
I'm out of coffee.

Coffee to the right of me,
Coffee to the left of me,
Coffee in front of me
Steam'd and filter'd;
Boil'd bean and grind,
While carafe and cup fell,
They that had served so well
Not Black Tie, nor Black Eye
Nor Breve, nor Depth Charge.
I'm out of coffee.

When will my coffee brew?
O the caffeine I knew!
All the world wondered.
Honour the coffee I made,
It was freakin' Fair Trade!
I'm out of coffee.

(Written by Andy Johnson on the morning of January 13, 2015, when he realized he was out of coffee.)