Sunday, January 6, 2013

Back home

Let night in spider house. I almost wrote Chicago house. Austin is full of ghosts these days. I used to come here and see people I knew on the streets. This was the city that felt like a small town. But we got older, moved, settled into lives of consumerism and television. Or the places we went moved, shut down, or changed into something unrecognizable. Cheapo records is gone, and so is raynhennigs heart of music and the new age bookstore next door. The entire south Austin shopping center has been razed for condo. Always more condos. A derelicts house in Hyde park I used to dream of resorting is gone. I remember talking with friends about fixing that place, with its long white columns and sloping roof. I drove by the other days and it was just a dirt spot in a yard. Ruta maya shut down. that was a real blow. my writing career started there in many ways. i wrote these little stories that fit intomtheir five minute eindow. id read them whenever i wrote a new one, which made me write more. it was a good feedback loop.


And some things are still here. It's still impossible to park at epoch. kUT is still playing iron and wine. I have to admit the new album sounds pretty good. Toy joy is across the street, and I shopped at wheats vile. But it's odd to not recognize your home. I suppose that happens to everyone. But I think if we could all go back, we might be a little less proud of our little towns and a little less arrogant. We might try harder to hold onto the people and places we cherished, at least for a few moments longer. I feel silly. I'm almost crying over closed coffee shops and fru-fru bookstores. But it's more than the places. Is the feeling that I can't find anymore. Austin used to be a place of no rules and endless creativity. I still see the creative spark, but it's settled in now and watching Downton abbey on the LCD tv. It's become a settled and prosperous creativity. It's fallen into the trap I saw at Texas, when smart and dynamic artists get seduced into becoming faculty. I saw some of the best people I knew argue over mailbox placement and printer access. I fear the city is going the same way. Creativity into strategy into bureaucracy. I suppose it had to happen somewhere, but I hate that it happened here. The city grew up with me, when I wanted it to stay young. I guess I should have stayed young too.

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